Fishflies, Enough Already

30 Jul

What gives? Here we are in the 3rd week of fishflies! Usually they come in late June or very early July and are gone in a few days. This year it’s like Chinese water torture! Everyday they keep on coming back and back and back. Going outside is almost impossible. Trapped by a host of horny insects. They swarm, they attack, they smother, they coat they crunch, they smear. They even get in your underwear. (Hmm, that almost rhymes.) Where was I?  Some friends came for supper over the weekend. As their car pulled into the driveway, yes that infamous driveway, the swarm was like a biblical plague of locusts, almost darkening the sky. Cleaning them off is guaranteed to create a thick, indelible smear. When the surface is light-coloured they smear as blackish-brown but when the surface is dark they smear as light yellow-white. I don’t know how they know how to do this. I do know it will mean extensive siding, deck and window cleaning when they have finally departed after their orgy. Mexico is looking really good right now!

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I’m disappointed in Brute. He’s been hiding out in the shed during the infestation. Something about being a vegetarian and only doing grass and weeds, not animal-life forms, even if they are stupid life forms. Fortunately the grass has gone dormant; however, small poplar trees are trying to gain a foothold on the lawn. The entire lawn is covered with a jiggling,vibrating mat of brown bodies.  I don’t think Brute realizes the next time we mow he will be mulching these same stupid pests before his blade even begins to suck up grass; that when his wheels and underside are thickly coated in  twitching and dying bodies he will begin to smell like a fish factory. And guess who he will expect to clean him off. Why can’t he be calm and rational like me?


2 Responses to “Fishflies, Enough Already”

  1. Brenda Varney August 4, 2013 at 1:35 pm #


    These are great and so are you! Thoroughly enjoyed reading and just glad that we don’t have fishflies!


    • Barry Morrison August 4, 2013 at 2:42 pm #

      Thank, Brenda. I think they are now finally over. Just the cleanup to do

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