Denizens of the Driveway

15 Jun

I have spent two days mowing and weedwhacking the driveway. First line of attack was using Brute to get at the driveway dandelions. There are at least two distinct species of the yellow ground cover. The first is the low, spreading variety with scrawny flowers and leaves; everything hugs the ground. I call it dandelionus minimus. No matter how low I set Brute’s blade they lay safely below its swirling, mulching, vacuum-inducing hunger. There is something less than satisfying hearing Brute’s blade spit gravel and dirt over the driveway, flinging missiles at one’s ankles. I did not include a picture of said species. It is not dignified to promote such a low-life life-form that frustrates me in my endeavours.

Dandelionus frigginhumongous

Dandelionus frigginhumongous

The second species is a tall, noble and elegant pest. I call it dandelionus frigginhumongous. The darn things can grow to 50 cm in height and in the spread of their foliage resemble ostrich ferns. Oh, it is so easy to set Brute on them. No spitting gravel just clean cutting. I think this species is an evolutionary dead-end though. Their size and obvious presence makes them easy targets for predators like Brute. They tend to procreate on the margins of the driveway . There is an obvious botanical social or class distinction going on here. But I think the scrawny runt minimus species will win out in the end.

Strawberrius drivewayjamus

Strawberrius drivewayjamus

I have also identified another class of driveway inhabitants, a surprise. I call them strawberrius drivewayjamus, little strawberry plants that have escaped the strawberry patch, where as a general rule they have adamantly refused to grow, and have set up residence smack on the side of the driveway. Their future is limited however. Car tires will soon make them jam smears in the gravel and mud.

The driveway is a terrible and dangerous environment for so many life forms, yet they flourish nonetheless. A paradox of nature. Who would have thought a driveway would open one up to the deeper philosophical questions of life.

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